Sunday, October 28, 2012


What about that irritable person you know or maybe it is you that suffer from an unseen but tangible turn off? The person has to acknowledge the problem and everyone has to cooperate in a peaceful and continuing resolution. Take a look at these pictures.

The object is a stylus I purchased for my iPhone. The white covering was from top to bottom when new.

Notice where my fingers and thumb are. The bare area is caused by my perspiration. It takes several months of continuous use, so don't worry about shaking my hand. I have no control over this trait of mine. What I can control is the physical contact such as putting on gloves as a buffer.

Some folks need a buffer between them and other people because of a social dysfunction. My grandsons are autistic and asperger. Their mother, my daughter, serves as a buffer for them or arranges for one, when they go places. The children know they are different but may not be sure why, at their current age.

I am asperger with options and this has caused friction with others all my life. Part of my challenge was not knowing until recently why I said and did things that set people off. I acknowledge and accept my condition and take responsibility for necessary changes in our social life. Recently, during a purchase in an auto parts store, the cashier and I were discussing the need for a steering wheel cover. As I described the damage my hand contact had on the wheel, he suddenly announced he had the same problem and described the results.

My wife and I were having lunch with a long time friend and during the conversation the topic of my acidic condition came up. Connye used my stylus to demonstrate how serious it is. Our friend was noticeably shocked and politely remarked, "That's interesting" instead of "That's weird or scary".

I attended seminars, took evaluations and met with therapists trying to discover what caused me to speak and act the way I did. One day, as always happens, the truth arrived in an unusual manner. One I knew, then as I stated earlier, I became responsible for my future actions. But what about the ones still in ignorance or denial of their condition? What defense tactics can the population adapt to lessen injury?

I have no pill or 1, 2, 3 list to resolve your dilemma and I have had multiple negative encounters with co-workers, family, friends and strangers. The adage when the blind leads the blind, they fall in the ditch. When two or more dysfunctional people act in primitive ways to communicate both get into a verbal or physical fight. Knowledge and responsible choices are key to every situation and discretion goes a loooong way to a positive outcome. Approaching the offender and asking if they are OCD or ADD will not usually improve the environment.

Years ago, if someone had asked me how I usually handle my asperger condition would have initialized a blank stare. Then request for definition with a what in Heaven's name is this and Why do you think I have OR am this? Now, after months of research and study, I tell people in case I slip. This time it is the other party reacting with a What is that?, Did you catch it?, or inherit it?

The most important effect of accepting my diagnosis is realizing that my "acidic" condition can over time damage relationships beyond repair, just as the above pictures indicate. An autistic or speech impaired person or dyslexic individual cannot change their condition anymore than a lame person can get up and walk. Patient and understanding responses from those involved combined with resources can enhance all our interactions with one another.

BTW, while you were on your phone, in your car, the person passing you on your left or right was me. If you were the one driving 32 mph in a 35 mph zone, I was the one sitting on your bumper trying to encourage you to move forward or park.

Yes, I struggle with the same emotions others do and do my best to yield to my wife's encouragement to improve my driving, attitude, response to other drivers, etc. It's HARD! Connye keeps working with me.
After I have prayed, asked her forgiveness, had lunch, taken my meds, we relax and talk.
 One last thought and suggestion:
If you cannot beat them, join them.
If you cannot join them, get away from them.

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