Friday, August 17, 2012


Our dog is sleeping as I prepare to type this and as I press keys he barely opens his eyelids to check on me and the noise. I think, get over it, it's not that loud. HE is in HIS favorite chair, which is the unoccupied one. I often call him Dog but his Christian name is Tuffie.

I heard that an older dog has an 80 word vocabulary but he has not said one word to me in nine years. He has issues. Now he is snoring, so all is well, until I move. Humph.

I have been retired from the normal (did I just say NORMAL?) work force and losing contact with certain changes. For example, when I was working and a person called with a question, we answered the question and on a good day, they went away. Recently, I called my dentist office to get an appointment for a tooth and:
  • the person asked, Which tooth? and
  • I replied, The one in my mouth.
  • person: Is it #18?
  • me: I didn't count.
  • person: Is it upper or lower?
  • me: Wouldn't the dentist be able to figure that out?
  • person: Yes sir, I'm just trying to help.
  • me: Greaaaaat, give me an appointment.
Now MY understanding of help would have been to promptly assign me a day and time without all the extra questions. I thought, Get over it Ware, it is only one place.

NOPE, There are others!

I called our vet to discover a method for putting pills in our dog's mouth without putting our fingers in.
  • Hello, this is your friendly, helpful person (FHP).
  • me: Hi, can you or anyone there explain a method of safely putting pills in our dog's mouth?
  • FHP: Which pill?
  • me: Which pill? (Wife hears and says, All of them), so I reply, All of them.
  • FHP: How are you doing it now?
  • me: (in my head, Is this a contest?). We try direct, or in food, etc.
  • FHP: What kind of food?
  • Me: Fried chicken, brownies, Quail, what difference is it. He detects the pill and spits it out.
  • FHP: I'm just trying to be helpful, Sir.
  • ME: Then put another person on the line, P.L.E.A.S.E.
  • another FHP (AFHP) : Hello, may I help you.
  • me: Same question.
  • AFHP: Which pill? Your pet should have finished all prescribed medication.
  • me: Any pill, all pills and yes he did. Same question, one again.
  • AFHP: Why does he need a pill?
  • me: I am filling in a crossword puzzle and need to know -The Same Question. If you don't know or if the answer is illegal, immoral or unethical, just tell me and I am good with your answer.
  • AFHP: TENSE now, Sir, the item is called a Pill Popper. We carry them and any pet store.
  • me: calmly, Thank you. I hang up.
My wife had been contemplating how to keep me from going to said vet and getting said item. I finally agree to go another place; a pet store.
  • pet store person (PSP): May I help you?
  • me: Yes, thanks. I need a Pill Popper.
  • PSP: Total BLANK stare, tells me she has just entered the Matrix and not been programmed yet.
  • me: (in my mind, I cannot believe this is happening to me. Have I sinned so Great a sin, God, and am being slowly punished?)
  • another PSP: It's in the vitamin aisle. AND IT WAS SO. YEAAAAAHHHHHH!!
Note of interest: the item is officially called a Pill Dispenser. We tried it and apparently you have to push the dispense in until it is in his stomach; otherwise he calmly spits it out and quietly sits there, doing his nails, waiting for our next foolish human attempt.

Certain positions you should never say shocking things to or in public:
  • barber: obvious reason
  • grocery bag packer
Us, checking out of grocery store and I am standing next to the grocery bag packer (GBP).
  • GBP: Did your wife drag you with her today?
  • me: no, i just enjoy being with her. that's why we married.
  • SHOCK WAVE 20 feet out from center - eyes pointed toward me.
  • GBP: No movement, then slowly begins packing.
  • me: I know, it seems shocking, but some people enjoy the person they married and like being with them.
End of Story.

Tuffie just woke up, checked on me, rolled onto his back and returned to Dream Land. How do I know he is dreaming? you ask. His legs are moving and he is laughing.

The phone rang, waking Tuff and, now, he is on his back, eye lids open starring at me but I comfort myself by explaining, to him, I have no control over when someone calls; BUT his looks say: you can mute.

Dentist office (DO) called:
  • me: hello.
  • DO: Is this Mr. W?
  • me: Yes, this is me.
  • DO: I am confirming your appt.
  • me: I will be there.
  • DO: Thank you.
  • me: Your welcome.
See how easy that was for everyone. I could have used my new experiences to generate a 50 Q&A for the next ten minutes. Not nice.

ONE more comment about the Tuff. He continues to act like he doesn't understand English with her, and with me he doesn't even hear me.
  • When I tell Connye I am laying down, Tuff gets up and follows me.
  • When I tell him to do or not do, then he only understands Dog.
  • I learned some Dog about a year ago and he responds immediately, every time. I love it.
Have a wonderful day!!

Monday, August 13, 2012

I've Been Thinking but Not Writing

In the past few months, I have reviewed and meditated on my life and people in it. Coming to and accepting I am an Aspie was revelatory, relaxing and ... Thinking of accomplishments, failures, successes, disappointments, methods of dealing with people and the reason some of those people acted as they did is ... The appropriate words are beyond me at this time.

Approximately 48 years of rationale, choices and decisions made with distorted glasses. God was present and working with me from my beginning and I misunderstood him also. Grief is a strong emotion. Grief after the death of a person or pet or realization of lost time and opportunities. Grief feels like a mastodon mother watching over her calf (me) in a most suffocating manner.

I, for one, have never known how to handle grief and would press on with work or whatever endeavour was in place. After several experiences, a person begins to pick up on the side effects of  grief and slow down to let it have it's place. If not, then just like an excited child waiting and waiting to tell some great thing, it WILL have it's time, ready or not.

Blogs by Autistic/Asperger adults are poignant and, for me, easy to relate too. Our pasts are unchangeable and although physically gone, they remain current in memory and emotions; but our futures await us with endless potential for growth and positive expansion. God is always present and prepared to guide us to wonderful new adventures and opportunities to help other's do the same.

I am ready to move forward and help Connye paint the interior of our house and replace the flooring. Now, about the colors of those rooms...